


The Perils Of Cohabitation

by Aeshna_cyanea



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Fluff, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-25
Updated: 2017-09-25
Packaged: 2019-01-05 10:35:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12188325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aeshna_cyanea/pseuds/Aeshna_cyanea
Summary: Chloe learns a basic lesson about living with Maze the hard way.





	The Perils Of Cohabitation

"Really, Detective, I would have thought you'd know better." Lucifer sighed disappointedly. "After all, you've been sharing an apartment with Maze for several months now. Don't tell me you still haven't learned the most basic rule for living with her."  
  
Chloe Decker turned away from where the ER doctor was stitching up the deep cut in her hand to glare at her partner.  
  
"And what rule is that supposed to be?"  
  
The devil gave her a disbelieving look, completely unperturbed by her glare.  
  
"Never reach blindly into the knife drawer, of course." His tone made it clear that this should have been obvious. "Which is probably a good rule in general, but especially when you're living with a knife-obsessed demon."  
  
Chloe's glare intensified. "I knew that rule long before I ever met Maze."  
  
He raised an eyebrow and gestured at her injured hand. "Then how did this happen? Did you forget to follow the rule?"  
  
If looks could kill, the devil would have been a small pile of ash by now.  
  
"For your information, no, I did not forget the rule. I was reaching into the cutlery drawer. Nothing in there should have been capable of inflicting this kind of damage. For God's sake-" Lucifer winced and grimaced, but she ignored him, "butter knives are not supposed to be as sharp as razor blades!"  
  
"Ah." The expressions on the devil's face cleared. "Yes, I'm afraid Maze has never really grasped the concept of a butter knife. As far as she is concerned, if it's a knife, its purpose is to be as sharp as possible."  
  
He became thoughtful for a moment. "I guess in your particular living situation, the rule needs to be adapted slightly. Never reach blindly into any drawer that contains knives of any sort."  
  
He smiled brightly at her, and for a second Chloe wanted nothing more than to have one of her demon-sharpened butter knives in her uninjured hand right now. Then she wondered if this thirst for violence was another side-effect of living with Maze, or just a natural reaction to the combination of pain, stress, and Lucifer being Lucifer.  
  
"If you want to, I can have a talk with her about it." He smiled tentatively, and then shrugged. "I doubt that it will do much good, but I can try."  
  
And just like that, Chloe's desire to hurt him evaporated. She sighed and shook her head. "No, I'll talk to her myself."  
  
Lucifer nodded. "As you wish, Detective. But if I may offer you a piece of advice: try to tread softly. Maze can get rather touchy where knives are concerned."  
  
Chloe rolled her eyes and muttered something under her breath that sounded suspiciously like knife-nut. Lucifer chuckled.  
  
"That, I'm afraid, is putting it mildly." His expression became serious. "Knives are important to Maze, in ways and for reasons I'm not sure even I fully understand. Please try to remember that when you have your talk with her. I'd hate to see either of you get hurt over this." Looking down at where the doctor was just bandaging her hand, he amended, "Emotionally, I mean."  
  
Chloe shot him a look, and he hastily corrected himself.  
  
"Not that I want to see you get hurt physically, either, but it's a bit too late for that now. And I don't think Maze would resort to physical violence when you tell her she's not allowed to sharpen the butter knives anymore. But you should still approach the topic carefully. Because if it ever comes to a physical fight between you two, Maze will win."  
  
That got him another look from Chloe, though she privately had to agree. Seeing the look, Lucifer went on, something close to panic on his face.  
  
"I'm not saying that because I don't think you can hold your own in a fight. You've proven often enough that you can. But fighting Maze is a totally different matter. She's just in a completely different league." A smile Chloe was tempted to call dopey appeared on the devil's face. "The way she fights is simply amazing. Truly poetry in motion. Full of power, but still graceful. And the passion -" He broke off suddenly. "I should shut up now, shouldn't I?"  
  
Chloe just smirked at him. Lucifer looked down briefly and cleared his throat. "Will you allow me to take you home, Detective?"  
  
Looking down at her injured hand, which was now swathed in a thick bandage, Chloe sighed and nodded.  
  
"Thank you. I don't think I could drive with this." She wasn't quite sure how she had managed to drive herself to the emergency room, but she had a sneaking suspicion that it was better that she didn't remember the details.  
  
"You're welcome, Detective." He held out his arm to her. "Shall we go?"  
  
She took the proffered arm and allowed him to lead her out of the examination room, idly wondering who would drive her insane first: her partner the self-proclaimed devil, or her roommate, said devil's knife-obsessed former bartender/bodyguard and self-proclaimed demon. Whoever finally managed to push her over the edge, it was going to be a close call.  
  
But she still couldn't regret the day she had met them. They might drive her crazy, but they were her friends, and they had her back. 

**Author's Note:**

> This is another story that grew out of one of my Things Maze Is No Longer Allowed To Do. Rule # 346, to be exact: Not allowed to sharpen all the knives in the kitchen. Butter knives are not meant to be sharp enough to shave with.


End file.
